


Familiar Disintegration

by DapperBlook



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt Deceit | Janus Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Polyamory, Protectiveness, References to Illness, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Short Deceit | Janus Sanders, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Trauma, What Have I Done, i didn't write this I summoned it from the depths of hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23360743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperBlook/pseuds/DapperBlook
Summary: Virgil was not in a great place when he met Roman, Logan, and Patton for the first time, but he didn't exactly plan on letting them know that. His life was a mess but at least he wasn't dragging anyone else into it.Roman, Patton, and Logan had been together a while before they met Virgil. They hadn't planned on involving anyone else in there relationship, but things never really turn out as planned.However, the past always catches you off guard.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	1. That one where Roman sees an emo and falls so hard he breaks both his arms

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of my first fic, it’s not the best but I’m happy with how it turned out. Sanders sides fic. I probably need to calm down with the angst but for now I’m just embracing the pain train; wanna take a ride? :D This chapter is mainly centred around Roman’s first meeting with Virgil, albeit brief, and the resulting non consensual falling head over heels his brain proceeds to do. Also Logince fluff because I can :p. Anyway thanks for reading (if u do idk :p) byeee ^^

His heart paused the moment he saw him. The fitting purple hue of his hair; the unusual dark eye makeup adding emphasis to the pale, almost spectral tone of his skin.

There was something beautifully tragic about him; something haunting. The figure turned his head towards Roman, giving him a full view of all his features. Roman took a moment to drink it all in; he felt as if he would drown. He must have been gaping, but he couldn’t seem to regain control of himself in order to stop. 

Paralysed. And helpless to stop it. 

Before Roman had time to process exactly what was going on the mysterious figure had already slipped past him down the staircase he had been glued to.

_Gone._  


He wondered what they had been doing here, talking to his brother. The man felt so very out of place in this apartment block, as if he would be better suited to grace the canvases of Roman’s latest projects or the pages of his most inventive poems. He felt so out of place in this damp hallway. But now he was gone, and that felt worse somehow.  


“If you’re gonna stand there all day I _will_ close the door.”  


The familiar voice of his brother helping to pull him out of his trance, he mustered up the strength to audibly respond.

“Oh, err, sorry, I-I mean umm-”  


_Oh wow! Well that certainly made you seem relaxed and normal. Genius, really._

“Jesus Christ just come in already.”  


Remus disappeared from his place between the door frames, retreating further into the flat. Clearly growing tired of waiting.

“Sorry Rem! Just a little spacey today.”  


_Technically true._

Roman made his way across the small stretch of hallway between his spot at the top of the staircase and Remus’ apartment door, it being the closest one.  


By the time he had closed the door behind him his brother had already made himself comfortable on the suspiciously stained sofa in the middle of his apartment. Setting up the TV for one of their world renowned binges. 

“So who’s picking first this time? Cause I already have the perfect- I mean, I promise you won’t sleep tonight, haunt your dreams kinda vibe you know. I was thinking we start with—”  


“—Hey, umm, Remus?”  


Remus let out a _sigh_ , having been nonchalantly interrupted on what was clearly a passionate subject.  


“ _Whaaaaaat?!_ ” He responded, unenthusiastically.  


_Well it’s now or never I guess._  


“Who was that guy you were talking to when I got here?”  


“ _Oh_ , you mean **Virgil**? He’s just my ummm… _friend_ I guess you could say.”  


Remus let out a slightly nervous laugh, one Roman usually would have been tuned to pick up on. However, he did not seem to notice, much to Remus’ relief; he really wasn’t in the mood for judgement right now. _Especially_ not from Roman. He glanced nervously at the incriminating plastic bag thrown hastily onto his kitchen counter.

He would never admit to it, but Roman’s approval always felt nice to have. His disapproval always came with a slight sting, maybe because deep down Remus knew he was probably Right.

However, right now it appeared he wasn’t lying when he said he was feeling especially spacey today.

**_Virgil._ ** _So that’s his name …_  


Roman took a minute to appreciate the way the word seemed to dance across his mind. The name was fitting enough, though he doubted there could ever be a single word that would testify to his beauty—  


“So we actually gonna watch this, or are you just gonna sit there staring into space like a cat on LSD the whole time.”  


Ignoring the oddly specific simile, it was clear Remus was running out of patience. Which was honestly a little fair at this point. Roman relented to Remus, who’s promises earlier did not fall through as he discovered later that night. So did Logan, checking that the front door was indeed locked _properly_ for the fith time in the vast span of a _whole one hour_ , as he remarked.  


  


~~~~~~~~  


  


_Shit._  


Roman inwardly exclaimed as he was struck by the sudden realisation he was indeed thinking about that _Virgil_ figure again. For the fifth time that day to be precise.  


He couldn’t be catching feelings!  


He loved his boyfriend, he wasn’t unhappy with the relationship at all. In fact things between them seemed to be going almost _too_ well.

He was in a long-term, committed relationship for god’s sake!

So why did his brain continue to torture him with visions of such a beautiful spectre.

He felt almost sick with the guilt; the guilt and the longing.

Roman stood up from where he was situated on the floor of the living room and stretched out his arms lazily. Glancing down at the suspiciously purple painting now beneath him.  


He was half tempted at that moment to throw out all his purple paints; rid himself of the temptation. 

_A distraction._  


As Patton would be out right now at work, Logan it was.  


  


~~~~~~~~

  


Creeping into Logan room would prove to be quite a bit harder than he originally thought. This was unsurprising, Logan was always a challenge. Luckily Roman loved a challenge. After all wasn’t that the basis of their relationship?

Logan’s room was sparsely and purposefully decorated. He sat at his desk, pushed up against the left wall, just beside the window. On the opposite side of the room, the side he was currently sitting with his back to, was an ever-so-sensible single bed. His sheets were a simple navy colour with a few notable constellations dotted across.  


At the foot of his bed was an overflowing bookcase; the first few shelves housing convoluted nonfiction, covering topics such as revolutionary physics theory’s to complex examinations of the human condition. The bottom two shelves home to vast collections of sci-fi and fantasy.

The only thing seemingly uncharacteristic about the place, seeming almost frivolous in comparison, would be the glowing string of fairy lights just above his desk. They had been an addition contributed by the combined efforts of Roman and Patton. Logan was adamant he only kept them up out of convince; them helping to illuminate whatever he happened to be working on at whatever late hours he managed to stay up to, ever engrossed in one theory or the other. Neither Patton nor Roman contradicted his explanation with the simple fact he had a desk light for that specific purpose, case he take them down.

  


~~~~~~~~

  


When Roman got to the door he was pleased to find it already slightly agar. Carefully he reached for the handle and began the delicate art of slipping into the room undetected. A skill he had been honing during his time with Logan and Patton. Slowly he pushed the door back into place.

He was in.  


He began to make his way across the room towards the desk.  


“Salutations Roman,” Logan said, smirking quietly to himself eyes still steadily trained on the book he had previously been reading.  


“Next time,” Roman declared, sighing and slouching down on the neatly made bed behind him.  


“Sure Roman,” Logan suppressed a small chuckle.  


“May I enquire as to why you are here?”

“Just bored,” Roman gritted his teeth at the indirect lie. He hated having to lie, _especially_ to his boyfriends. He couldn’t reveal his true motives though. Could he? Of course not, he couldn’t exactly tell his boyfriend he came to see him because just the _thought_ of another man was enough to drive him into frustrated insanity.  


“ _And_ I wanted to see you. I missed you!” Now that was true at least.  


Logan set down his book, being sure to take mental note of his page number. He was fairly certain trying to get any further with his book now was a pointless endeavour. Ignoring Roman was an all but impossible task; he learnt that the hard way.  


“You do realise that we literally live in the same apartment.”  


“Yeah, but you’ve been in here like all day! I wanted to see you.“ Roman said as he dramatic fell back onto the bed behind him, completely negating the effort Logan put into straightening out all its creases.  


“I believe we had lunch together only this afternoon.” Logan stated nonchalantly as he turned in his chair to face Roman. Sighing at the sight of his previously neatly made bed.  


“Well if you’re just going to be pedantic I’ll be forced to leave.”  


“ _You_ came to see _me_ ,” Logan stated bluntly, growing exacerbated by Roman’s antics.  


“And how I’m being to regret _that_ decision!” Roman gestured dramatically as if to express some kind of tragedy.  


Logan sighed as he turned back around in his chair. _I really don’t have the brain-power to deal with this right now._  


Roman sat up at the realisation of what he just said, he knew not to mess around with Logan too much when he was tired. He really needed to start thinking _before_ speaking.  


Standing up he made his way sheepishly over to Logan’s chair, now facing away from him.

“I’m sorry Lo. I really, honestly, truly didn’t mean it. I just wasn’t thinking.” He said, resting his head against Logan’s shoulder from behind as he tentatively reached out towards Logan’s hand.  


“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Logan let out a small chuckle as he took a hold of Roman’s hand, reassuringly.  


“Certainly won’t be the last.” They both laughed at that last remark.  


Roman was right of course.

Roman placed a gentle kiss against the side of Logan face.

_Well that just won’t do will it._

With that Logan turned back in his chair to meet Roman’s lips. Logan pulled Roman down towards him, as Roman lifted one of his legs in order to rest it on Logan’s lap. Heightening the intensity of the kiss with the increase in general contact as well as proximity. It was moments like this that reminded them all of how lucky they really were.

They stayed like that -gentle, passionate connection- for what both of them would consider _far too short_ , but was in reality twenty minutes.

  


~~~~~~~~

  


The rest of the evening passed in much the same manner until Patton got home, Roman and Logan just peacefully enjoying each others company.

When Patton returned they all decided they we’re _far_ too tired too cook, and it was Friday after all. 

After Roman ordered the take-out and it arrived, they all settled down in front of the television, Patton sat between Roman and Logan. They locked eyes over Patton’s head as he scrolled through Netflix looking for something to watch while they ate.

Roman smiled gently over at him, Logan returned it briefly before Patton caught his attention with the musing that maybe they could watch Doctor Who tonight. 

Needless to say that after being thoroughly persuasion by Logan, the others relented. And that is indeed what they ended up watching.

Roman went to sleep contented, the ghostly figure haunting him from earlier far away from his consciousness. 

Unfortunately, it appeared his _unconscious_ didn’t quite get the memo.  



	2. Local emo spotted in the wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton goes to café, meets Virgil and Remy. Virgil is a sad bean. Logan gets coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil I'm sorry ;-;  
> Only the most creative café name.

This misunderstanding came about as many are adept at coming about, through Roman being an over dramatic little shit. To put it bluntly anyway.

Patton woke up intertwined between his boyfriends on the living room sofa, a pretty common occurrence as had been duly noted by Logan on each and every occasion.  


He nestled further into the warmth and safety. If he could have just preserved that moment, kept it securely unreachable; untouchable, he knew he would always have the strength to handle anything the world decided to throw at him. They gave each other strength, how lucky he was to have them.

Begrudgingly, he untangled himself from the warmth and made his way over towards the kitchen. The soft carpet beneath him giving way to uncomfortably cold tiles. He reached up to the high cabinet, in search of coffee. He knew it would be hard to coax his boyfriends off the sofa without it. Stretching up he was just able to pull open the metal handle to reveal an empty bag.  


_Roman._  


He grabbed the bag in order to dispose of it properly. No matter how many times Logan complained, it appeared as if Roman would never learn. Patton was becoming suspicious he was in fact doing it on purpose, just to annoy Logan. He could understand the appeal.  


No coffee, Logan would not be happy with this development.  


Patton remembered the coffee shop just on the corner. Making up his mind to go, he placed the empty coffee bag in the bin and made his way out of the kitchen. He heard the shower turn on in the bathroom, and as soon he heard the familiar lyrics of Disney he knew who it was. Logan would not be happy that Roman got there before him, Roman always took a while to get ready after a night on the sofa, or any other night for that matter. But Patton was determined to make up for it! 

He quietly reached for his coat and keys as he slipped on his shoes. Luckily he hadn’t changed out of his clothes last night. His hair was a mess but he wasn’t going far, he was presentable and that was all he needed to be. With that he silently slipped out the door.  


  


~~~~~~~~

  


The walk passed relatively quickly, the brisk temperature adding to the strong feeling of clarity brought to the surface by the new year. January, with its bleak weather, was still followed be a distinct sense of anticipation. 

Patton pushed open the door to the coffee shop, proudly displaying the title ‘REM’. He was greeted by the pleasant jingle of a bell accompanied by a pleasant aroma of coffee (unsurprisingly, it being a coffee shop). To his right was a sleek black counter, to his left the busy Cafe followed a similarly dark an modern aesthetic. Though the Cafe was busy it retained a quiet, calmer atmosphere. He made his way to the counter as the barista turned around from whatever he was busy with, he wore a sleek black leather jacket over an equally dark shirt and jeans. Despite the rapidly cooling weather (and the fact they were inside) the man sported a pair of aviator sunglasses, his black hair was swept to one side.

“Nice place.”  


“Oh, yea sorry.” Patton became uncomfortably aware of how long he had been stood there without ordering.  


“The owner really did a sweet job on the decorating.” The man offered.  


“Yea, your right.” Patton responded. He was right, the place was immaculately designed. It created an excellent atmosphere.  


“Why thank you very much dear.” He smirked.  


“Oh! Sorry I didn’t realise.”  


“Nah, don’t sweat it. Don’t really dress the part do I?” The owner smiled more genuinely this time.

Patton took another look around the Cafe. “Really is a nice place you got here.”  


“Yea, it is isn’t it.” The man took a minute to appreciate his work. “Anyway what can I do for ya?”  


“Oh yea, umm- I’ll take one double, actually make it triple, espresso. Umm- one vanilla latte and I’ll have a flat white, thanks.”  


“Someone on coffee duty?”  


“Oh we were just out this morning. _Somebody_ left the empty packet in the cupboard without telling anyone.” Patton chuckled to himself.  


“Well I’ll have that ready for you in a minute, you can just take a seat over there while you wait.” He gestured to a table over in the corner, it was all but empty with the exception of a slumped over figure.  


“Are you sure he won’t mind?”  


“Oh V’? Nah pretty sure he’s like, asleep, anyway there’s no where else. Pretty busy for us today.” The man replied.  


“Fair enough.” Patton turned to walk away. “Oh, I’m sorry kiddo I didn’t catch your name.”  


“Remy, you?”  


“Patton.” With that the Remy returned to work and Patton made his way over to the table.  


A mop of messy purple hair lay in front of Patton. He felt a pull of curiosity for this strange, sleeping creature. The man began to stir.  


Patton chuckled.

“Rough night?”  


The man grunted and turned to face Patton, peaking out from the safety of his hoody, and looking up from his resting place on the table.  


“Huh? Oh, something like that.”  


The man squinted under the harsh mourning light.

His pail face illuminated by the light streaking in through the window. Patton felt something in his heart melt at the sight, as he became suddenly and painfully aware of his unkempt attire.  


“I’ve survived worse.” The man stretched as he sat up in his seat.  


“Sorry I don’t mean to intrude, the owner said I could wait here.”  


“Oh Remy? No don’t worry it’s fine really, I’m not exactly a paying customer.”  


“Hope you don’t me asking then, but why exactly are you here.” Patton’s curiosity got the best of him.  


“Nah that’s a fair question, I’m roommates with Remy and I don’t really have anything better to do.”  


“Oh okay.”  


An awkward silence began to take hold. 

“So what you doing here then? Well getting coffee obviously. Sorry that was a stupid question” Virgil began to fluster.  


“Oh, you wanna know why I’m here this morning?” Patton sensed the mans obvious nervousness.  


Patton’s explanation took several divergences from its original path, but he had never been able to tell stories in straight lines ( _ha ha, straight)_. The man seemed intrigued by his ramblings anyway and that was all that really mattered anyway.  


“One flat white, one vanilla latte, and one caffeinated nightmare for Patton.” Patton heard Remy call out.  


“Oh that’ll be me then, well sleep well kiddo.” Patton smiled as he began to stand up.  


“Caffeinated nightmare huh? I’ll have to try that sometime.” The man’s face animated beautifully as he and Patton shared a quick laugh before Patton had to leave.  


“See ya around then.” Patton made his way over to the counter.  


“Yeah, see ya.” The man smiled briefly to himself as Patton walked away.  


Patton took the coffee’s from Remy as they exchanged pleasantries for a few moments before he made his way out of the store; a gentle jingle following him out on to the street. He made his way home after that, the walk passing quickly as he made his way through the early morning.  


Suffice to say that Logan was pleased with this development. Watching his transformation as he drank it was almost akin to sci-fi. Logan set out for the day feeling sufficiently caffeinated and prepared.  


However as Patton made his way to class that day he couldn’t shake the thought of that purple haired man.

 _Well,_ he thought _no harm in that_.

  


~~~~~~~~

  


Virgil was once again left alone at his table. 

**_This_** _is right, that isn’t for you so don’t get used to it. Your better off alone. **There** better with you alone._

He watched as the cheerful man, the one with the contagious smile, exited the coffee shop with the gentle chime of the bell. Now he would return to his world, full of colour and warmth, and Virgil would sink back into the shadows. Crossing paths for a brief moment, and that was all it was. A brief moment. Virgil knew that, but he also knew that it would not be an easy moment to put out of his mind. He knew there was no point in mulling over things he would never have, but that mans world seemed so beautiful and animated, and so did that man.

Virgil was being ridiculous, he didn’t even know his name. He needed to put this whole affair out of his mind. 

He needed to get some air.

Remy turned to the door just in time to see a dark figure slipping out.  


_Virgil_.


End file.
